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Lindsay Lohan’s blog has since taken its place in the internet’s fastest-growing graveyard – of an estimated 200 million blogs that have been started, then abandoned.

Update your blogs, boys and girls, update your blogs. Or be counted as a Lindsay Lohan wannabe.

Episode 1

“Did I tell you how much I hate travelling by sea?”, Augustus de Ponti said, a little mournfully. It was approximately the four hundred and seventy third time he had uttered that sentence, with mild variations, since morning. The last three hundred-odd times had been after he was chained and put in a cage. For the four hundred and seventy third time, Hoover the butler wiggled his eyebrows slightly, turned down the corners of his lips by a micromillimeter and exhaled with slightly more force than was his wont, expressing his solidarity with his master’s emotions.

But do not be led astray by Hoover’s air of helpless sympathy, dear reader. For behind that quiet demeanour and the sympathetic eyes, there was a mind considering the options of freedom for himself, his master and the rest of the passengers and crew of the Billina. Pirates were scum, but mostly somewhat dull-headed and prone to slip up and get drunk after a successful raid. The Ninja Pirates of Nunchow were a sharp. athletic lot who abhorred alcohol and practised their shuriken-strikes even as they were despoiling a ship of its booty. But what worried Hoover the most was that this particular band of Ninja pirates that had attacked their ship that morning were the members of a particularly fanatical sub-sect of the Khaitan clan. The initiates of this clan have their brains surgically extracted through their nose when they are born. This led to the rise of a warrior class whose members fought by reflex – their combat skill unmarred by human emotion, their reactions a result of constant training, their speed proportional to the amount of enemy brains consumed before, during and after conflict.

Zombie Ninja Pirates were tough opponents to beat, and Hoover the butler knew it all too well. Continue reading →

Drew Hayes, creator of Poison Elves passed away last week. He was 37, and died of a heart attack.

Marshall Rogers, Batman artist extraordinaire died yesterday. He was 57.

This sucks.