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A hypothetical question answered

When I was young….

Hold on. Wrong start, I am not old enough to be saying that.

When I was a kid, and when Indian TV was a kid ( that kind of puts things into perspective), there used to be a show called Aisa Bhi Ho Sakta Hai on dear ol’ Doordarshan. This aired at 11 AM on Sunday, the Day of Days, just before Bhaskar Bhattacharya’s Alpha Plus, and an hour after Ramayana. To call it something like Guiness Book of Records would be stretching things too far – yes, it was about facts, trivia, “records” of a kind. You got to learn important things like the Howrah Bridge in Calcutta is the busiest bridge in the whole world, and that Cherrapunji in Meghalaya is the place that has the highest rainfall in the world. Good, patriotic stuff.

Sometimes, I remember, they showed people doing weird things – like growing their fingernails long or dancing on broken glass and even someone chomping on tubelights like it was fried chicken. The weirdest, I thought, were the “strong” ones. The people who would sleep on the road, and allow a truck to pass on them. There was a long conversation between me and my father about whether this was all a “camera trick” ( I had heard of vague things called “camera tricks” even then – that kind of explained how Amitabh Bachhan could die in Sholay and then die again in Deewar and then kick ass in Toofan and how Hanuman could expand and deflate at will in front of Arun Govil ) or the real deal. My father would explain, very patiently, that there were people who could do that because they practised a lot.

So I asked my father if I could practise too. I could ask the neighbouring kids to drive a cycle over me, I suggested. Like any self-respecting father would, he promised he would whack me bad if I did something like that. Like any cover-your-ass-and-run son would, I discarded my plans. Life went on.

Of course, the hypothetical question remained. Just how much would you need to practise to get a vehicle to drive over a part of your body without eliciting yelps of pain ( minor threshhold ) or without requiring surgery (major threshhold)?

Well, now I know the answer, or at least part of it.

You can have an autorickshaw drive over your foot, at normal auto-rickshawish speed, without even touching the minor threshhold. Matter of fact, you can have a cyclist ram your butt at top speed while having an autorickshaw indulge in the above activity with no freakin’ practice!!! Amazing.

But of course, this brings another hypothetical scenario into the picture. Suppose I had practised, suppose I had a parent of a more encouraging nature, I might have been the next guy you see on Guiness Book of Records, who lets a Boeing cross over his chest and then leaps up saying things like “Absolutely smashing, old chap!” Shucks. My children aren’t going to be denied when they come to me asking for basic things like having vehicles running over them. Nossir. Matter of fact, I am going to drive the vehicle myself, and teach them to leap up and say “Absolutely smashing, old chap!” in just the correct accent.

I need to get some balm for the butt.

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56 thoughts on “A hypothetical question answered”

  4. You made me remember all those programs that I would watch as a kid! I still remember ‘Aisa bhi Ho sakta Hai’. Then there was also a serial that was far ahead of its time. It was abt this kid who has a trip in the time machine. His uncle or dad is a scientist! And then there was ‘Subah’, one of my favourite serials till date! Cannot forget the character Salim Ghouse of that serial. I forget what his real name was in the serial though. Then there was ‘Kachi dhoop’, ‘Jamie and the magic torch’, ‘Contact Quiz’ ( This was also Bhaskar Bhattacharya guy), and the comedy serial ‘Idhar Udhar’, “Yeh jo hain zindagi” ( this was on Sunday). I remember I used to look forward to a Sunday! Now you have a hazaar serials coming on various channels, nothing of them that are interesting. Hey, I know that this comment has reall nothing that is re,otely connected wityh you r post, but I feel good that I still remember the programs :-)

    Reply

    • Wasn’t there something called Ek Do Teen Char as well ? Sunday was also the day of StarTrek and Spiderman. I also remember feeling terribly excited when the 2pm regional language movie turned out to be a Malayalam film.

      Nostalgia, nostalgia !

      Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      Yeah, I also remember those times. The time machine trip kid was Karan Johar in Indradhanush but it was his elder bro played by Akshay Anand who gets to time-travel most of the times,including one trip into the future to find his clone (Akshay agin) to be in love with Urmila Matondkar (yeah).Incidentally, Contact quiz was compered by Ronnie Screwwala, now head honcho of UTV, Bhaskar Bhattacharjee committed suicide and Aisa Bhi Hota Hai had this lovely woman called Monica Lall.

      Reply

    • The one with the scientist, “Indradhanush” featured Karan Johar, I remember. I couldn’t catch the last episodes because of exams, and i was so pissed! Subah was the trendsetter for a number of drug-abuse related teen serials at that time, remember? You’re right – Salim Ghose will always be remembered as the guy from Subah, even though he appeared later in Bharat Ek Khoj ( as Krishna, Rama and a whole lot of other historical characters )

      Did you know Kachhi Dhup was based on Little Women, and it had Bhagyashree in it?

      I remember the CFSI’s serials like Potli Baba Ki and Molu and Alice and …whoa! Head rush.

      Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      serial about the kid and the time machine

      I remember the name of the serial. It was called Indradanush…I think. I remember for the last episode we didn’t have power supply when the serial was on (12-12:30 on sundays??). We were really pissed off. We went all the way to my friends house (took more than 20 minutes to get there) and by the time we got there it was over. Man were we pissed. Remember these were the times of no reruns. So we just had to suck up to our friend to part with what happened in that episode. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember what happened in that last episode. May be had I seen it, I would have remembered.

      Reply

  5. Matter of fact, I’ve had a Bullet (motorbike) run over my hand in a demonstartion. And no. It didn’t hurt. There were quite a few stunts which we did, which anyone can do with a bit of courage.

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  7. You can have an autorickshaw drive over your foot, at normal auto-rickshawish speed, without even touching the minor threshhold

    been there , done that. favorite passtime to scare all those elder kids/parents. no need of balm also !

    i also used to get kicks by taking electrical shocks when i was 12. the technique was safe & sound, tho im terrified to do it now.

    Reply

      • arre no….
        built this lamp out of an old quality street chocbox, & discovered nice mild shocks….

        so started brushing my hand fassst past anything remotely electrified :))

        electrified railway tracks ???? where do they happen ?

        Reply

  8. I vaguely remember all of those! Was Alpha Plus the space-serial? I seem to vaguely remember one episode in which the crew was being eatend by these bulbous pink brain-things.

    But yeah, I hear ya. I’m all for the Darwinian life.

    …

    My own mother ran over my foot with a Maruti Suzuki when I was in 6th grade. Didn’t hurt even a bit, but I still used it as an excuse to get out of Saturday PT at school that day. (Gosh, this week is all about 6th grade memories)

    Reply

    • Alpha Plus was this very different quiz show where the first round was a run through a military-style obstacle course, and the rest was a normal question-answer thingie. The Space serial was Space City Sigma. “Captain, humarey vimaan pey Zakhaaku ne time bomb pheka hai, jise defuse karne ke liye humey time machine ki zaroorat hogi.” Stuff of legend, that.

      My idea of bunking PT class was to hide in the broom cupboard when everybody in the class was being taken to the field.

      Reply

      • Getting nostalgic

        Yes!! and then I vaguely remember Mita Vashisht as one of the characters in that Zigma serial. And there was this character who had some vague thing plastered on his face. He was supposed to be the “robot” kind of a guy. I remeber Molu too, the title sng was something like “sher ka dil hai matwala, tan ka kala, mann ka pyaara, molu, molu, molu” :-)
        I had no idea that the kid in Indra dhanush was Karan Johar! I remember, I used to even watch Bharat Ek Khoj religiously. It’s a real pity that serials liek “Who Dares Wins” or “Fear Factor”, and not to forget the “K ” Serial syndrome has caught on with the people rather than serials that were aired before.
        I would still love to watch “Buniyaad”, “Khandaan”, “Subah”, “Indra Dhanush”, “Quiz Time”, “Contact Quiz” etc etc instead of the ones now!!

        On that note, does anyone remember that Wilman ad, that had Nasser Abdullah in it? “Smooth sail over Sydney, soaring over the seas, two scrambled eggs, and strong moring tea”! The ad was something like that! Totally unrelated post!! I know that!! But then nothing wrong in getting nostalgic!

        Reply
      • Anonymous says:

        Alpha Plus

        Only, the last (fourth) round was ur regular question-answer thingie. The second round used to be a jigsaw puzzle and the third round used to be questions based on a film -clip, something like, how many curtains did you spot in the film?
        I am Vibhendu, the suicide comment was from me and though never commented earlier here , any mention of DD is enough to send me into orgasmic raptures. That explains these totally unrelated comments.
        -Vibhendu

        Reply

  9. thank god it didnt happen in chennai
    the b%%@@#$ (er i mean gentleman) wouldve riped ur other leg off and injuring his auto tyre
    the human body is a wonderfully designed structure… in guess when He made it he envisaged such attempts to test heisenbergs uncertainity principle

    hehe yeah guess ive had an auto run over muh lil feet when me was yung and didnt even flinch….but the secret is that the auto’s gotta go above a minimum speed (which they anyhow do)… and theres gotta be girls around…and u obviously wont even bat an eyelid…
    friend of mine did the same with a twin rear axle truck in the truck factory on a busy night shift…. he couldnt move his feet and screamed after the first tyre went over….hearing that the driver braked hard right when the second axle was over the leg…er…the truck chassis weighs about 4 tons and spread on the 10 tyres equally….haha he got 3 months paid holiday ;)

    Reply

  12. Ek do teen char & giant robot were my favourites :D
    also liked the indian version of gasper the friendly ghost though “GAYABAYA”.. heck yeah didi’s comedy show , potli baba kai , how can i forget that .. me too got a kick(from my pop) after i tried repairing my good knight mosquito repellent gadget.

    Reply

    • kisi ko satane aaya , kisi ko bhagane aaya..:) this post was pretty interesting to read beatzo!! i still remember one episode of gaayabaaya where he blows a bubble from a chewing gum and gets carried into the air with it!! those saturday afternoons were real treats to look forward too. school ends at 12:30 pm and YIPPIE !!!!

      real nostalgic:)

      Supriya

      Reply

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